Title: Hook the Reader: Muse Forum with Earl Staggs: This is one of the workshops I participated in last week.
Earl’s remarks are in brackets; (I dont know how to change color)
MARK GOES WILD PIG HUNTING
by
Barbara Bockman
Mark’s breathing came in short, burning gasps. He was almost keeping up with Will, the barking and baying [baying is better by itself] of the hounds drawing them forward, deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of the woods. The rising sun pulled a mysterious haze up from the forest floor. [great line; I may steal it]
There's nothing wrong with me a little ice cream won't fix. 
Oct 26, 2010 @ 20:57:26
What a vivid picture. I got pulled right into the scene with only those few well-crafted lines. I was hoping to click on something that would let me read more.
Oct 26, 2010 @ 22:07:10
Holly,
Thank you; I’m glad I hooked you, too.
The story is done, I just don’t know where to submit it.